Thirteen months ago I started counseling in hopes of working through years of stuffed pain. Months prior I had been diagnosed with an eating disorder – binge eating and gorging had become my norm, i was miserable and causing myself physical pain because of other ongoing health issues. I justified the gorging by telling myself it was better than drinking – but it wasn’t.
Gluttony is gluttony no matter how you try and sugarcoat it.
Six months into counseling I was finally able to see a psychiatrist through zoom (because of COVID no psychiatrists were seeing new patients) and she began treating me with a stimulant to suppress my appetite. And it worked for the first sixty days. After that, the mind took over and it didn’t matter if I was hungry or not I still gorged.
Shortly after that I started counseling twice a week because things were getting worse. I started praying for someone to help me, an accountability person, health coach – something. And approximately six or seven weeks ago God answered that prayer.
I have a health coach and follow a simple health plan and have for thirty-two days. With this program it addresses the nutrition and physical aspect, but also the mental. What helped me the most mentally was when I started reading through the guide book and read about triggers . . . Very similar to what I had learned through the Most Excellent Way . . . but what the workbook did was helped explain the process even better and actually is equipping me more in helping others in the area of addiction. I speak with my health coach at least weekly – the first eight days it was every day. When I do good she praises me and when I make a poor choice she holds me accountable. I have needed that. And since started the program I have been able to get off the medication I was taking for the eating disorder. That’s huge for me.
When I started this journey with my health coach she asked my ultimate goal. I didn’t have a set scale number because one thing I have learned over the years is that no one person is defined by the number on a scale, but I do want to be healthy so I can enjoy doing things with my kids more, as well as going hiking and kayaking more. And I want to mentally accept myself and be comfortable with myself, regardless my size. With that said, I have experienced several non-scale victories (NSV) the last thirty days, but my most treasured one was when I stumbled upon a ring I had put away because I couldn’t wear it anymore. I had the ring made from my grandmother’s broken jewelry fifteen months ago. I haven’t been able to wear it for thirteen months because my fingers were too fat.
And yesterday I was actually able to put it on and wear it.
And next month I’ll be able to wear it without taking it off at night.
The health journey has been a hard one for me. I’ve learned stress has been a key contributor to my health but I’m working on that as well. I’ve allowed too many others to define me because of my size. And I have believed them –
Words are powerful.
Choose them carefully.
And if you can’t build someone up then say nothing.
Today, I am so thankful for the steps in the right direction.