Even when my want to was not my want to . . .

A friend posted this picture on her social media page recently and I just had to share.

Women are really good at stuffing aren’t we?

And I don’t mean with food. (But if I were referring to food I would have a pint of ice cream instead of that bowl of strawberries y’all.)

We don’t think we should say anything and have to pretend everything is right in this world when in reality we are dying on the inside.

Our fake it til we can make it goes to a couple days to weeks to months to even years.

And we are withering away . . .

We’ve lost sight of the ultimate purpose and are tired.

One of the things I share with the Charis House ladies and ladies in my class is there is One person we can tell everything to. I think we become easily deceived by Satan in to thinking, “God already knows so I don’t need to tell Him about it” but He wants you to be real with Him.

And there’s a difference between not honoring the authority of God and having a good stomping the feet, crying, and even yelling tantrum with Him. I’ve had those in my living room several times. Then, when I’m done, I thank Him for letting me release those burdens, fears, and anxiety and letting me place them on His shoulders.

He’s a BIG God.

He can handle it y’all.

He really can.

Be real with the one who knows you most.

And in the meantime, I promise you – you aren’t alone.

There have been times during seasons of drought I could only muster the words, “Lord, you know me.” They were the only words that brought my heart comfort when I felt like I could barely lift my chin and take one step in front of the other.

And when I didn’t know how to pray or what to even pray for, I found a scripture, even when my want to was not my want to,” and I read it as my prayer – even when I didn’t mean it.

I still read it.

And I read it aloud.

Because He knows me know and I need to hear the Words of the Lord audibly.

As the deer pants for the streams of water, so I lost for you, O God.

I thirst for God, the living God. When can I come and stand before Him? Day and night, I have tears only for food, while my enemies continually taught me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?”

My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be: I walked among the crowds of worshippers, leading a great procession to the house of God, signing for joy and giving thanks – it was a sound of great celebration!

Why am I so discouraged?

Why so sad?

I will put my hope in God!

I WILL praise Him again – my Savior and my God.

Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember your kindness – from Mt Hermon, the source of the Jordon, from the land of Mount Mizat. I hear the tumult of the raging seas as your waves and surfing tides sweep over me.

Through each day the Lord pours His unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing His songs, praying to God who gives me life.

“O God my rock,” I cry, “Why have you forsaken me? Why must I wander in darkness, oppressed by my enemies?” Their taunts pierce me like a fatal wound. They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”

Why am I discouraged?

Why am I so sad?

I will put my hope in God!

Amen.

Psalm 42

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