Today, I want to focus on gratitude. In the past an attitude of gratitude and thankfulness would come easy, but these last few months, I’ve struggled to have a heart of thankfulness.

It’s hard to be thankful when one is focused on what ifs and filled with fear. In fact – its impossible.

It has affected my teaching, my outlook to life, my home life, my diet, my parenting, and much more.

But God . . .

He only lets His child hang over the pitty pot for so long.

Over the last few weeks the Lord has been honing in on my attitude, showing me grace as I work through various feelings ranging from anger, disappointment, and even doubt.

I even doubted if I was supposed to be teaching y’all. I had myself convinced I was the wrong person for “the job” and had talked myself into stepping down in the upcoming months.

But God . . .

Thankfully His voice is louder than mine or the enemy’s. He placed a very basic, simple devotional in my hands walking through the book of Romans (and Philippians but I’m not there yet). And it’s good. It’s basic – simple but the nuggets of truth are big – heart penetrating.

He is faithful y’all.

Since then He has shown me just how much I put my thoughts and my ways above His thoughts and His ways.

And I realized why He has had me studying humility these last few months.

And I realized why He is keeping me there . . .

I’m so thankful for grace.

And I am thankful for those who get me and know me best and I’m thankful for those the Lord brings into my life to encourage me along the way.

He is faithful y’all.

He really is.

Between the extended covid mess, Chris’ accident, my fall, and trying to decide the best avenue for the kids learning, I just couldn’t see through the haze and fear of the unknown.

But you know what God has done . . . –

He provided an attorney to help carry the load so I don’t have to keep up with and worry about bills getting paid or something being missed or someone taking advantage of two inexperienced people walking through the ins and outs of a bad traffic accident with injuries. He provided an attorney with integrity . . . and I never knew that existed. I am thankful.

He has continued to see that I see the specialist I need and testing to be done to try and figure out why I am still struggling with concussion symptoms. He has also shown me that He is the one in charge of the timing of the tests – not man. For that I’m thankful.

While Christopher’s core classes are online, one of his brick and mortar teachers loves Jesus. And I’m so thankful for that.

Then there are people along the way that have texted, emailed, or called just to check in – I’m so thankful for them.

And I can’t forget the way He provides for our day to day needs. My out of pocket from my fall has been outrageous.

But God . . .

This week I received a check reimbursement from BCBS for overpayment due to them receiving disbursements from the covid stimulus money. That same day I received a debit card with $300 on it to go towards medical copays for the remainder of the year. The amount reimbursed and extended for future needs is more than double our monthly tithes.

I’m thankful for a God that knows the future needs of His children.

And while my top two love languages are words of affirmation and quality time, I found out how much it means when someone sees something, thinks of me, and has to get it for me. I never appreciated that kind gesture as much as I do now . . . until walking through the struggles of 2020.

While I am guilty of seeing only the negative effects of covid this year, I am thankful God is allowing me time and breath to reflect on the good He’s taught me through this bad. I said in the very beginning that I knew good would come through this, I just didn’t see it coming in the form of a deeper, transformed heart.

And for that I’m thankful.

I know these thoughts are random. And maybe it doesn’t make much sense – but I just sensed I needed to write these thoughts down this morning. Maybe it’s just for me to remember His goodness when I face another hard season . . . or maybe someone else out there is struggling with their attitudes and finding His goodness through all this . . . You aren’t alone and I pray you see His goodness today.

I’ll close with this song. I love music. It ushers me into His presence and sweetens my time with Him. The Goodness of God

In case you haven’t heard it lately . . . I love you.