This is not my typical blog post – for some it will be too long and that’s a turn off. For some it is too personal and that will be a turn off. For some, you won’t want to read about the difference between a Christ – centered life versus a self – centered life. And for some you have no desire to hear how God is slowly peeling away the layers of trauma that have plagued me for most of my life. So if you fall in any of those categories and won’t read beyond this I ask you to pray for me today at 2:00 central time as I attend an appointment – I’m praying for release – that this is the last layer of that onion to reveal and begin the complete earthly healing process.
I joined a new class on Wednesday nights. I was looking for a class that didn’t add eight days of homework in a five day week 😂 and while that makes no logical sense it makes perfect sense to me. I didn’t want to commit to a class that had homework knowing I already have a steady quiet time but I also have a time of study for Sunday mornings as well as for my time with the Charis House Ladies – so I knew my limitations but I needed to be somewhere while my kids are in their classes. In this particular class there is no workbook or homework – PRAISE THE LORD – just reading a chapter a week and the instructor teaches on it. With that said, after the first day I KNEW I was in waaaay over my head . . . the diagrams and information had my brain smoking. But something continued to pull me in and I have continued the last several weeks to read, ask questions, and ponder.
While there are several things I’ve learned the most wow for me was when the instructor told us we aren’t mind, body, and spirit like we are often taught.
We are soul, body, and spirit!
IF we are living a CHRIST – centered life THEN within the soul is where the mind (or attitudes) of Christ (Philippians 2:5) is found, as well as the following: strength or capabilities given by Christ (Philippians 4:13), all needs supplied (Philippians 4:19), peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7), and the fullness of joy (John 15:11).
IF we are living a SELF – centered life THEN within the soul is where we find inferiority, insecurity, inadequacy, guilt (real or imaginary), worry, doubts, fears – FRUSTRATIONS! Within the soul, when living a self – centered life is where we will find the mind: fantasy, paranoia, obsessive thoughts, as well as emotions and feelings.
Is that news to anyone else? Cause it still blows my mind! What I have learned through this book is to recognize myself more when I am walking in self mode so I can pause and realign myself with Christ.
It has challenged me to a deeper surrender, which is what triggered this post. But in order for you to understand fully I needed you to know that piece of history that brought me here.
In my past there has been extensive trauma. I have been through therapy and worked through a lot. Some events the Lord has allowed me to speak life over and move on without looking back but the one, and if I had to describe it in a word . . . it would be the word rejection. Rejection has been the most detrimental to my soul and spirit because it tells me I need to put up walls to protect myself from being hurt again. It tells me to keep the distance and put up walls with the people closest to me.
And as hard as I’ve tried I can’t get past it.
I can’t fake it.
I can’t ignore it.
It’s always there.
And it makes me miserable.
I have been praying for years to have complete release from these events, but because there is so much trauma I have blocked out I don’t even know what all it involves. And while I have learned I don’t need to know those details I do need release from them. The visual the Lord gives me is an actual physical regurgitation of darkness.
Which is what I’ve been praying for.
The book I’m reading is helping me with that. Even though a lot of it is over my head, scales are being removed from my eyes and the timing is incredible.
Then . . . in true knight in shining armor as only God can do . . . He provides a way of escape – release. Last week, while processing and evaluating I received a text from a friend. Because of health challenges I was receiving raindrop massages at least once a month to help with inflammation from autoimmune diseases. I had to stop those to keep our expenses down. She reached out to me last week and shared of a training she was going through – on emotional release from trauma – how it affects the body (which I’ve been studying) and what oils and pressure points can help with release as well as speaking words of life (in my case, scripture) to counter the trauma and retrain the mind/recognize patterns/change reactions. Because she is practicing – she offered me a free session y’all!
And it’s today!
At 2:00 central time.
I have been praying for a breakthrough.
The book I’ve been reading, that is full of scripture on living a Christ – centered life and what it looks like has helped tremendously.
I do believe the timing of this session is pivotal to my healing.
If you have ever experienced trauma, hurt, or disappointment then you know the layers it often involves and you also know the affects of it will rear its ugly head in the most inopportune times so I ask you to pray for me today at 2:00. I will be taking a notebook with me so after the session I will be able to write and continue that release and not bring it home.
Today, I am praying and believing for a breakthrough – a miracle in my healing process.
Thank you for letting me share my heart and be real.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 New Living Translation (NLT)
A Time for Everything
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace
Thank you for praying for me.