I’ve been in a unique place the last six months – purging my space and my body. Through this journey I’ve come to realize influence is far different than relationships. That has been a painful part of the purging journey and one I still am working through. Nonetheless release is a good thing and working through it even better.

The year 2019 brought in an array of victories but the last three months of the year I struggled with guilt, shame, embarrassment, and disappointment.

I watched from afar as countless women shared their goals for 2020 and how an array of studies began to jump start the new year. I ignored the Christmas advent study through my local women’s group . . . not because I didn’t want to participate but because He already had me where He needed me to be. Fighting a battle of self-condemnation, fear, and depression was where He had me. It was and is a journey of purging He continues me through even today.

Comparison is a trap we all fall in to. I’ve had to tell myself over and over that it is okay that I haven’t indulged in my quiet time for the last eight days. Instead I got to love on my grand babies and daughter and spend quality time with her family.

I’ve learned Grace far extends from the Cross of Christ – sometimes we must extend it to ourselves as well.

My hope and my prayer for 2020 for myself and anyone else out there that is struggling is that your growth in the Lord isn’t A-typical or one that can be compared to anyone else. My prayer is that you find yourself in the person God created you to be and not what someone else expects you to be or even what you want to be – again the focus is on who HE created us to be. That’s a hard place for me.

This year for 2020 I hope and pray you have peace within yourself for where you are in this life journey.

I hope and pray you are able to have victory over the thoughts in your brain and that you are released from the guilt and shame you carry.

I hope and pray in 2020 you come to realize your value and worth and how important you are – regardless the balance in your bank account or what someone else thinks of you.

I hope and pray you develop and experience a deep friendship that will carry you a lifetime.

This year I hope and pray you experience peace and contentment and personal spiritual growth on your own level – not what is expected by others. I also hope and pray you are easy on yourself and don’t compare yourself to another’s growth.

This year I am also praying for a new level of contentment with who I am. I am praying for more freedom to express myself and to speak openly without fear of what others think. I am also praying for my place – am I serving where I am supposed to be serving? Is there something more or something less I should be doing?

This year – the year 2020 – I continue to purge and set new boundaries.

I know this isn’t the most well written post and it jumps from one thought to another – but these were my thoughts and I simply wrote as they came to my mind. Maybe they will make sense to someone else beside myself, maybe not. And that’s okay too.

Happy New Year.