I started my study on Sarah this morning and out of the blue a thought came to me so I scribbled it on my hand so I can see it throughout the day –
There was a time when I said something very idiotic. I said to a struggling addict, “just have faith” and shrugged my shoulders and walked away.
Just call me stupid.
Within weeks of speaking those words God began taking me through trials that would often test my sobriety. The hardest years were when Christopher was under five. I didn’t think I would survive the head banging screaming years.
I wanted to drink.
I questioned my faith a lot during that time. And because of those very words I spoke so flippantly God showed me it was so much more than just believing I could have sobriety . . . I had to work for it.
I had to work for sobriety as hard as I looked for the next drink.
And that’s what I have done these 21 years.
Then this morning the Lord spoke these gentle words, “it’s not about faith being bigger it’s about a deeper surrender”.
My trials today aren’t what they were 21 years ago. And my heart’s desires have changed as the Lord has fashioned and molded this old heart of mine. He took that once heart of stone and made it a heart of flesh but He is still massaging it and making it in to what He wants it to be.
I’m so thankful He accepts me right where I am but loves me enough to make me more like Him.