Self-Evaluation

If you’ve ever held a job for any sort of time there will come a tome when your boss calls you in for a performance evaluation. Some times those go well, and sometimes . . . not so well. Regardless how that evaluation goes, the purpose is to bring out your strengths and to improve your weaknesses. Once you have been given this information, the choice is yours as to whether you will improve, or remain the same.

The same goes for life – only my evaluator is my Creator. If you know the Lord as your personal Lord and Savior then He too, is your evaluator.

A few weeks ago my husband started a new job. It was and still is an answer to prayer – one we have been praying for (and dozens had joined us in praying) for MANY years. His new job included a decrease in salary BUT 100% PAID HEALTH INSURANCE! It was ANOTHER answer to prayer! My husband is a diabetic and we had been without insurance for quite a while. His insulin was running at a minimum of $500 a month for two weeks of insulin after the program he had been participating in closed its doors. Not only did God provide the new job and the insurance, He also has removed my husband from a hostile and unappreciated environment. This change is a HUGE blessing and my husband is a different man when he comes home from work.

We are so thankful.

With that change though can that change in salary. We thought it would be one amount but once we put it on paper it was worse than we thought. It came close to $6000 a year less than he was making. Now let me just say, there would have been no amount of money to keep him where he was.

None.

And we knew God would provide . . . but when I saw it in writing I panicked . . .  afraid we would be going backwards.

“We were already digging in savings every paycheck how would we do this now?”

Worry began to overtake me.

But God –

In the few weeks Chris has been at his new job he was already given an increase of salary to help offset the difference in salary reducing the difference to only $4000.

But God – 

Just weeks before my husband started his new job God opened the door for me to set up a booth at Alyssa’s in Pace. The first month I made enough to pay the following months rent and a small profit. So far this month, in the first six days I made enough to pay March’s rent and made a little more profit. My sales have been stagnant in the last few weeks though and after much prayer God is showing me and teaching me what to do to change that up. My prayer is that by August I will have a larger booth to fill with furniture. God has already begun to reduce that $4000 a year difference. And the reason I credit God is because I was told the wait time for a booth is 12 to 15 months and they already had too many sign vendors.

That booth was set up four weeks later.

EVEN with all I see of God’s hand I have continued to worry.

In the weeks of praying (and worrying), God has been showing me just how irresponsible we are are with money some self evaluation.

While this is painful it is also freeing.

Do you know that in our faith walk it is imperative that we self evaluate different areas of our lives from time to time?

It’s imperative for growth.

We are in a season of tightening the belt buckle.

We have had to stop our giving except for our tithes.

And can I confess that rips my heart out because I want to help others. I would and have given without the thoughts or care of our own needs many times and God has said, “stop” . . . for now.

Menu planning is not my strong suit. For several months God has been preparing me and educating me in this and putting people in my path to help me. This week is our first week and with my dietary restrictions it has been a challenge. But it’s still cheaper than eating out and brings a level of stability I never saw coming. It removes the, “what are we having for dinner” chaos and questions. It’s wonderful.

But yet I was still worrying, “How are we going to make it, Lord?”

And that brings me to this morning’s Iswald Chamber’s devotional . . . Oswald Chamber’s – February 26

This is what got me –

When it comes to confronting Jesus Christ on the basis of His qualities and abilities, our attitudes reflect religious superiority. (I thought, not me Lord – But keep reading.) We think His ideas are lofty and they impress us, but we believe He is not in touch with reality – that what He says cannot actually be done. (Again, I said, Lord, I know you can do anything! Surely this isn’t referring to me!) Each of us thinks about Jesus in one area of our life or another. These doubts and misgivings about Jesus begin as we consider questions that divert our focus away from God. (And this is what got me . . .) WHILE WE TALK OF OUR DEALINGS WITH HIM, OTHERS ASK HIM, “WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GET ENOUGH MONEY TO LIVE? HOW WILL YOU LIVE AND WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU?” Or our misgivings begin within ourselves when we tell Jesus that our circumstances are just a little too difficult for Him. We say, “It’s easy to say, ‘Trust in the Lord’ but a person has to live; besides, Jesus has nothing with which to draw water – no means to be able to give these things.”

My heart sank as I scribbled in the devotional, “Is this what I’m saying when I worry or doubt? That you don’t have the means in which to draw the water?”

And with that the scales were removed from my eyes.

And my heart hurts.

My worry says, “Jesus has nothing with which to draw water – no means to be able to give us these things.”

And that completely contradicts everything scripture says and everything that I believe.

my question to you is, what are you trusting yourself for instead of God today?

Painful as it will be – I challenge you to self- evaluate. And then . . . Watch God move.

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