I Choose A Life To The Fullest

I went in to my rheumatologist appointment yesterday believing, without a doubt, he would tell me all my numbers had decreased and I was reversing this thing called autoimmune that is trying to take over my body.
 
But that didn’t happen.
 
My heart broke when he told me I was being unrealistic to ever think I could reverse autoimmune disease.
 
He informed me that while my sed rate had gone down a smidgen, all my other numbers were significantly worse. I couldn’t understand how when I have been feeling so much better physically and mentally. He said it was from the weight loss and only the weight loss. He said autoimune is still running strong in my body. My mouth stays dry, my eyes are scratchy, and I haven’t been sweating for about six weeks now. I fight dehydration every day.
 
I usually sweat in freezing weather.
 
I didn’t even realize I had reduced in my sweating until I was visiting a friend and in her garden. We grabbed sweat rags and went off. I looked over and realized she was drenched – usually I would have been too and that’s when I noticed I had a new symptom.
 
It’s all a part of sjogrens syndome.
 
My elbows, knees, hips, wrist and fingers have been covered in blisters for three months.
 
They itch horribly and burn like my skin is on fire.
 
Some have come and gone but some have stayed and spread. He explains it is a part of Sjogrens and Lupus.
 
He also told me I have devoped a photosynthesis allergy and can not be in the sun without having sun block on and covered with protective gear, even on a cloudy day.
 
I have tried many brands of sun block over the years because I get chemical burn reactions from them, even hypoallerginic ones. I’ve even tried coconut oil with carrot seed oil and got burned. He recommended I find one that is a “non-paba” suncreen.
 
Not only was the news my numbers were worse disheartening, being told I have to limit my time outside crushed me. I love being outdoors and since finding the enjoyment I have for kayaking – let’s just say yesterday was a very emotional day.
 
I found myself at one point questioning what the point was of even trying if I still risk the chance of one day being debilitated from this mess, but you know, when our hearts are breaking and we are discouraged, our Lord hurts for us too.
 
Even though yesterday was a tough day in so many ways, I sensed His amazing presence.
 
In those moments of tears and anger He reminded me that I am living life more now than I have in many years.
 
He reminded me that even when I’ve been sick I haven’t been stuck in bed for days and weeks.
 
He reminded me that I have just gotten back from four days and three nights of camping all by myself and that I had walked all over Stone Mountain park and cooked and cleaned without the help of anyone.
Stacey Stone Mountain
 
He reminded me that while I may have a horrible sickness – I can still live and fight it by doing my part.
 
He reminded me He still has a lot of plans for me in this thing called life and He isn’t finished with me yet.
 
Today’s Proverbs reflects on asking for wisdom and understanding – have you read it?
 
My son (Stacey), keep my words and treasure my commandments within you. Keep my commandments and live, and my teaching as the apple of your eye. Bind them on your fingers; Write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call understanding your (my) intimate friend;” Proverbs 7:1-4
 
I don’t know about you, but I choose to live life to the fullest, despite what is going on in this body of mine. I believe in my heart, even if the doctor says I am being unrealistic, I will be able to continue doing things the doctors will say I shouldn’t be able to do. Call me unrealstic, I call it hope. 
 
I have no idea what disappointment is plaguing you today, be it physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, but I want you to know, when you hurt, our Lord hurts with you. We are not alone in this thing called life. The scriptures tell us we will find Him when we seek Him with our all hearts.
 
Seek Him, and you will find Him.
 
Lord, we ask for wisdom and discernment today. Pour her out upon us. Fill us with your living water that we may live to our fullest potential in you. Amen.
Check out the words to this song and listen to it –
Another heartbreak day
Feels like you’re miles away
Don’t even need no shade
When your sun don’t shine, shine
Too many passin’ dreams
Roll by like limousines
It’s hard to keep believin’
When they pass you by and by
I know your heart been broke again
I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet
I know you’re feeling like you got nothing left
Well, lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet so
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Move, keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet
Echoin’ inside your head
Are the words that your sweet momma said
“Shoot for the moon, my dear”
So you took aim out of this atmosphere
Between high stakes and pump fakes
You’re feelin’ like you can’t buy a break
I can hold your hand, but I can’t turn your eyes to freedom
I know your heart been broke again
I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet
I know you’re feeling like you got nothing left
Well, lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet so
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Move, keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet
Hold on, hold on
Lord ain’t finished yet
Hold on, hold on
He’ll get you through this
Hold on, hold on
These are the promises
I never will forget
I never will forget, so
Hold on, hold on
The Lord ain’t finished yet
Hold on, hold on
He’ll get you through this
Hold on, hold on
These are the promises
I never will forget
I never will forget
I know your heart been broke again
I know your prayers ain’t been answered yet
But it ain’t over yet, it ain’t over yet
So get up and move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Move, keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Move, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, ain’t over yet
Lift up your head now, keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
Lift up your head now keep walkin’ until the mornin’ comes
Keep believin’ keep walkin’ soldier keep movin’ on
And lift your head, it ain’t over yet, it ain’t over yet
Songwriters: Bryan Christopher Fowler / Christopher E Stevens / Toby Mc Keehan
Move (Keep Walkin’) lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group

2 thoughts on “I Choose A Life To The Fullest

  1. Doctors …….. humph! Evidently he doesn’t know what a Miracle is. The Greatest Physician of all has the last word.

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