When I read this quote this morning my mind raced to a time when I couldn’t love myself. Not only could I not comprehend why loving myself was important, but I disgusted myself so much I couldn’t fathom it. I knew what the Bible verses said, but I just couldn’t . . .
So I ignored those verses.
Mark 12:31, The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.
Leviticus 19:34, Treat them like native-born Israelites, and love them as you love yourself. Remember that you were once foreigners living in the land of Egypt. I am the LORD your God.
James 2:8 Nevertheless, you are doing the right thing if you obey the royal Law in keeping with the Scripture, “You must love your neighbor as yourself.”
I didn’t ignore the scriptures to be spiteful, God knew my heart. When I would pray, I often prayed like this, “Lord, please know my heart. I can’t love myself. But you know the love I have for . . . . . ”
It hurts my heart to just write that out because those prayers continued as recently as just a few months ago.
But, the last year an incredible healing has been taking place in my heart. I mean when I look back at what God has done I am in awe. There is no explanation other than God – and isn’t that exactly how He likes it. He works in such ways that only He can get the glory. God has given me an incredible God-fearing, God-loving, God seeking counselor, and while He used her in every session, the things He has done in such a short amount of time even blows her mind.
This is my season of healing.
Here is what I have learned in the last twelve months and what I teach to the ladies of the Charis House – this is what God spoke to my soul one morning when I fully grasped His love for me and that I am magnificent.
“I hung the stars and the moon and the sun in the sky. I drew the line in the sand for the tides to come in and go out. I know your coming and your going. Every star has an exact place place. I created the mountains and the valleys and the hillsides. The oceans and the land, and yet I still wanted you.”
Then He woke me signing to me one Sunday morning, and I was finally able to embrace what He had been working on for many months, self acceptance, and that I was worth His son’s death on the cross. That I am a daughter of the King. I even was able to say I am magnificent – even in obesity. And that was huge for me . . . . HUGE!
Who the Son sets free is free indeed
I am a child of God – yes I am!
In my Father’s house, there is a place for me
I am a child of God – yes I am
I am chosen
I am who you say I am
You are for me
NOT against me!
I am who you say I am!
Whew – I was freed from 46 years of lies that morning.
I no longer am bound by the lies I was told – that my physical traits would define me as successful.
I no longer live in bondage that my physical traits would get me the things I wanted.
I no lived believing I was worthless.
I was no longer invaluable.
I no longer believed I would never amount to anything.
I became free –
The reason it was so important for me to speak words of life and value over women was because I never wanted another woman to feel the way I had been made to feel. But now, when I speak to women, it is no longer speaking from the pain of a broken heart, but from the love of God that fills my heart when He gave me a love for myself that I never dreamed possible.
I have also learned, and I have shared with the ladies many times –
IF God calls us His daughters –
IF God tells us we are valuable –
IF God tells us we worth sending His son to die on the cross –
IF God says we are fearfully and wonderfully made –
THEN we are His daughters.
THEN we are valuable.
THEN we are worthy of His love.
THEN we are fearfully and wonderfully made – ALL of our being –
And IF I am questioning Him – or complaining about parts of my body – or don’t believe I am valuable – or don’t believe He could ever use me – THEN I am calling God a liar.
And God ain’t a liar!
Hebrews 6:18, God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged.
Psalm 89:35, Once for all, I have sworn by my holiness—and I will not lie to David—