I remember it clearly.
I was standing in a bar in Beaufort, SC.
I was holding an ice cold beer.
There were men standing all around and one other female standing next to me.
The subject of God came up.
With an arrogance that is indescribable, I shouted, “I don’t believe there is a God, and if there is one I hate him. He is a male – chauvinistic pig and I hate him!” I then said, “I will never bow down to him.”
Everyone then took three giant steps back because they didn’t want to be close to me when I was struck by lightening.
And I didn’t care.
I remember than anger like it was yesterday.
Only today, it breaks my heart.
Anyone that knows me knows I have very few memories of my childhood and as an adult I struggle immensely with remembering things, so for me to remember that specific event in my life is amazing.
Every time it comes to my mind it gives me a deeper appreciation of God’s Grace – His long-suffering – His acceptance. His forgiveness. His mercy.
And I am in awe of just how big God is that He would forgive a person that said such a horrific thing about Him.
I don’t get on my knees enough, but one particular day, shortly after my twenty year sobriety, the Lord had been prompting me, and quite honestly, I just didn’t want to take the time to do it.
But He persisted after me.
Then He reminded me of my words from long ago – and as I entered in to a position of bowing, my heart was thankful. Lord, thank you for wanting me even when I hated you. Thank you for forgiving me when I didn’t know the fullness of what that meant. Thank you for wanting a wretch like me. Thank you.
In a world this vast, I find it hard to believe that I would be the only person that has ever felt this way. Maybe you didn’t go to that extreme and blurt those words out in the middle of a bar but in the silence of your room, maybe curled up in your bed with tears running down your face you whispered the words to God you never thought you would say – maybe you cursed God – maybe you said you would never serve Him – maybe you stopped serving because you got your feelings hurt – maybe you even left the church. And while I am fully aware that we can worship God anywhere – I can testify to the need and importance of corporate worship, fellowship, and sitting under a Biblical teacher of the Word of God.
Oh my friend, even if it’s awkwards at first, even if your heart isn’t ready – something happens to our heart when we simply bow before our Lord. I can’t describe it, but it’s wow.
The God that hung the stars and moon wants you.
Father, may we be willing to come humbly to You. Not as slaves, but as redeemed saints – a cherished person by the God of Creation. Change our hearts to You, Lord. Help us break up all these compartments within our hearts and fill them with You. May we truly find deliverance in You. I love you, Lord. Amen.
Please take a minute and just listen to the words of this song – I Get On My Knees