I hate my picture being taken. Especially full body ones – so you can imagine the gut wrenching nausea that filled my soul as the pictures began to upload from last night’s sessions. I wanted to crawl back in the bed and cry.
His refining fire is right on time. The first thing I had to do was first and foremost speak truths – even if I am still at a place of not believing the truths – I must believe that one day the Lord will release me from this bondage. And I know it is coming because He has been intentional with my Bible studies and even with the studies with the Charis House ladies that this giant of self worth must be dealt with. As a person that has believed lies all her life it can be hard to discern the voices in your head – so again – even if I don’t believe it – yet – I must counter the negative with words of truth.
And those words of truth are found in my copy of scriptures.
Because I had already given over to defeat (in my head) this morning I was struggling with my quiet time. I sat back in the bed and opened my copy of scripture and said, “Lord, I don’t even know where to begin, I feel dislocated.” What I had been using to study didn’t cut it. I felt lost and alone in the room.
I yearn to have the freedom over this giant – I know it’s coming – but Satan is coming hard. So hard it’s almost suffocating.
As I began fumbling through my pages of scripture the number 31 came to mind.
It’s today’s date.
I turned to Psalm 31 and my heart melted.
The refining fire is hard but knowing He is with me, that even in my shame He is right here – ushering me back into the throne of grace –
So – while I am weak – He will be my strength .
While I am in bondage now – I will be free.
While I carry shame – He will deliver me.
Because I. Am. Redeemed.
Thank you, Lord, for meeting me right where I am this morning. Do what you gotta do to get me through battle. And Lord, please – let me see me how you see me and not the way I see me or how others see me. Go before us today. Lead us into victory. Amen.