Most “bad” words contain four letters. I know and have used many of them. In fact when I stump my toe or am at witts end and am walking in my completely selfish state – sometimes those ugly four letter words come flying out of my mouth and boy does it do damage to the Spirit of God living in me.

I’m learning more about an old familiar four letter word that controls so much of our lives – my life – it steals our my sleep, our my joy, and our my purpose that God placed over our my life.

It’s downright destructive.

The ugly word I speak of – F-E-A-R.

And I live in it, day in and day out. Oh I know the Bible verses and I know what the Bible says. I’ve quoted the verses and even said it so flippantly, “Just give those fears to God. Fear is talked about more than anything in the Bible. Fear not, fear not, fear not, blah – blah – blah.”

Boy was I ignorant.

Or stupid – or maybe both. So if you are one of the people I made that callous statement to I ask you to forgive me. And if you are one of those people that have said it to me, I forgive you. Why would I need to forgive you? Because I have let anger and bitterness take root by those words spoken to me. Because for someone like me that takes my faith seriously and yearns to be more and more like Jesus – not being able to live my life without fear is just one more way I beat myself up daily – one more way I am a failure – and one more obstacle keeping from living free. And satan uses all that against me.

Because I truly yearn to be free of fear I started reading a book Louie Giglio wrote, “Goliath Must Fall”. I am also doing the DVD and work book. I am working through it slowly so I can take it all in and just be in the moment.

This morning I worked through session two video. Oh man – I had to hit pause and rewind a dozen times. I received more insight and knowledge in this one twenty minute clip (it literally took me an hour to get through just the video this morning) than I have sitting under any preacher or teacher (NOT saying I don’t sit under an incredible preacher of the gospel or any excellent teachers, this was just my time!). After I finished my work and reflecting I felt led to share some of the highlights for me. If any of these speak to you then I highly encourage you to get this study. If something specifically came to mind when I read and wrote these in my journal I will share them in (parenthesis). Some things I won’t share here but whoa – let’s just say – this is good.

~ Our personal freedom in Christ and God getting the glory in our life through Christ are always (and I am saying, should be) woven together in to one story.

~What is it that has trickled in to my life –  what word, what story, what message (and I added person) – has worked its way in to my life that has dismayed me or terrified me?What am I afraid of?

~There are three reasons we experience fear:

  1. We have been conditioned to fear – you grew up in a house of fear – don’t go here, don’t go there, be careful of this, be careful of that – if this is you then you now have a spirit of fear within.
  2. We have been concealing something your life – there is something under the hood we don’t want the world to know – if this is you then you will have an underlying spirit of fear within.
  3. We must have control over EVERYTHING in our life (and those around us) – Louie shares the good and the bad of control freaks – the good – they are visionaries and have solutions to many problems around them; the negative – you want to manage information, relationships, and the outcomes in our lives. If this is you, then you have a spirit of fear within.

And I live in all three realms.

  1.  I live in fear of abandonment because of choices made for me, I live in fear of being hurt because I couldn’t trust those that were put over me to not hurt me or those I let in my close circle have hurt me after trusting them, therefore everyone will hurt me, it’s just a matter of time. And I am passing the conditioning fear to children. During this video I could hear me telling my children, “we can’t go there, we can’t do this, we can’t – we can’t – we can’t.” And I don’t want to live in that fear and I want that curse to be broken over my children’s future and my grandchildren. 
  2. There are things in my past I am very, very ashamed of. One person I confided in chastened me and said he would  never be able to trust me. I think it is sad that I would still live in that fear when my own husband never blinked an eye when I finally told him prior to being married, but because I have concealed so many other circumstances for years from him and others –  fear still has a grip over me. 
  3. And then there’s control – the mere word sends my heart into AFIB. The thought of not managing everything and not being in control sends me in to full blown panic mode and even using those other four letter words I spoke of earlier. Why? because of one word – trust. 

~God wants the giant of fear to come down so we can be free.

~Fear is the number one way the enemy can steal the glory of God in our lives.

OKAY – now this was a HUGE “aha” moment for me –

~Anxiety – it isn’t a thing.

~Depression – it isn’t a thing.

~ Anxiety and depression are the symptoms of a giant – the giant is called fear – and more than likely that “fear” is a thing – and even more than likely – it’s a person. (Holy macaroni is that not a crazy “aha” moment for anyone else? I mean immediately faces and names and circumstances came to my mind. And yes, some of them were hard and still are but it is like that statement alone became words of life for me.

~Louie says, “Name your fear to God. What do I do with it? Keep toiling over my fear or trust God can handle it? Truly giving it to the Lord, knowing while I am sleeping you, Lord, are managing my fear for me.”

I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
For You will not abandon my soul to [i]Sheol;
Nor will You [j]allow Your [k]Holy One to [l]undergo decay.
You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

Psalm 16:8-11