It is amazing how God can take a wounded heart and make it better. Some times it takes days, weeks, months, and even years to be released and then there are times God moves miraculously and healing is complete in such an unknown factor it leaves one in awe.
I’ve experienced both phases in nineteen years of sobriety.
Over the last few months I’ve cried. Hit pillows. Yelled at the heavens. Cried to a counselor. Confided in a friend. Opened up to Sunday School Teacher. And I’ve prayed – a lot. Some of my prayers were open ended and not giving Him a time to answer because I already knew the answer – but He still let me be.
He still loved me through my anger.
He still loved me through the hurt.
He still let me come to Him.
He never rejected me.
He never shamed me or made me feel less than adequate for having all these feelings.
Instead . . . He continued to orchestrate words from others – songs on the radio – preachers from a pulpit – teachers who are sensitive to the Holy Spirit – to minister to my heart and embrace me.
Know what I noticed?
He never disappointed me.
I’ve never felt abandoned by Him.
In fact, He searched me out.
Yesterday was the first time I was free to worship with joy in months – without the gut wrenching hurt that left me without a voice. And oh how thankful it was to wake up this morning not dreading what the day might bring.
So the point to this – unconditional love.
A love so great no human can compete with it.
A love so accepting no human can measure up.
A love so indescribable unless one has experienced it you won’t get it. These words will just cause a smirk and a “whatever.”
I wasn’t surprised yesterday when after reading Roman’s 8:28 that my Pastor referred to Genesis 50:20. The story of Joseph was a huge factor in the early years of sobriety. I have known this particular verses healing power for years – and honestly the only comfort I have had during the last few months was knowing that one day . . . one day . . . God would bring it to pass . . . and one day . . . someone else out there will need to know the Hope of Christ. And once I’m through this particular valley – and once this particular storm passes – He will have brought healing that will let me help another – THrougH.
I’m reminded of the lost sheep this morning. I still knew Him. But I was distant from Him. And He searched me out. He will do that for you too. If the only thing I learn through this trial is just how much more important it is to be pleasing – accepted – and loved by my Lord – and that He is proud of me – then it has been worth it. A void I have struggled with for many years has been filled.
Father in Heaven, thank you for helping me through. I know it’s not over, but you have seen me over a great hurtle. Thank you. I pray for the one reading this that has experienced abandonment, hurt, condemnation, isolation, and any other experience that isn’t of you – show them your face today. Your touch. Embrace them and let them know it’s gonna be okay. Embrace them and let them be real with you. Show them just how big of a God you are. Thank you for loving us unconditionally. Thank you for teaching me more about this unconditional love. Thank you for taking this aweness of grace a little bit deeper. I love you and I give thanks to you, Lord. Amen.