I don’t know if y’all remember the bout I had with pink eye earlier in the year, but it was bad – for the last month my eyes have been giving me problems – not pink eye and not allergies – and now we are second guessing if it was even pink eye earlier in the year. There are a couple of autoimmune diseases that not only affect the spine but also attacks the eyes. My doctor called me early Tuesday morning after seeing me Monday- she began asking more questions and then explained she needed to know if I would be open to more labs . . . Of course I said yes. She continued to explain these diseases and then said again she was working on the referral for a rheumatologist that would work with cash paying patients (so many won’t- Ive been rejected twice)- I thanked her profusely in which she replied – don’t thank me – thank the Lord. He woke me up at 3:30 a.m with you on my mind after giving me the vision/dream of these diseases. The entire week has been incredible seeing the hand of God – it started Monday when I messaged a friend asking her to pray. I was in so much pain . . . I called the clinic at 8:03 knowing there wouldn’t be an opening because they are booked two months out but was offered a slot at 9 with the PA – the same time I have I have the kids at school so I turned down the appointment. 8:05 the phone rings – there was a cancellation for 9 with my doctor. I told my husband (he was home sick) and he drove me to my appointment (could barely walk) and took the kids to class. That appointment is what started the week of miracles – but that appointment and even the dream the doctor had – was orchestrated because another was standing in the gap on my behalf. I have had goosebumps all week. It will take three weeks for me to get the lab results. Two weeks for a biopsy to come back on my eye . . . but whatever is going on with me eyes is driving me bonkers. The doctor said it looks like eczema around the eyes. They are irritated and vision becomes obscured at times. The pain in my spine and hips were better yesterday and even more so today. I’m sure it’s the stress of Widget that triggered this doozie of a flare up – but if none of that had happened I wouldn’t have seen the Hand of God this week.
Because I have been down so much this week I’ve had a lot of time to think – I have been thinking about all the time I invest in others, even before my own family/kids and their needs. I know this is selfish, but I don’t want to be known as the woman that sacrificed everything for everyone else, I don’t want my kids or husband to stand over my coffin one day and wish they had the wife and mom that everyone else got. Life is too short. I read about parents that choose drugs, gambling, sex, and even work over family- and I know what it’s like to have alcohol chosen over family – I don’t want to choose service over my family any more. And that’s all I have to say about that.