It has been a rough month. In fact, I don’t think I have anticipated the beginning of a new month more than I do now.
The boy child has struggled since dad passed away. The emotion from that was hard for us all but he has continued with daily melt downs. I’m sure part is the transition of returning to school and adjusting with his sister needing more of my time with her homeschooling, but he is also reaching the season of puberty. The melt downs and blatant disregard for what anyone else needs or wants is mind boggling and he seems to not understand why he can’t have a specific something at the moment he wants which sends him in to a rage . . . (We are quite aware this looks like a temper tantrum but this response would usually leave him pouting and not reacting in the manner he has lately) only to cry hours later in remorse when he sees what he’s done. Yesterday we had to ask for help from the middle school minister to even get him in the building. He then left the small group and laid on the carpet by himself.
Between the loss of dad, coping and trying to help Christopher through this, and working through all of dad’s affairs, while trying to give Kaitlyn what she needs school wise, I am just an emotional wreck (notice the husband isn’t even mentioned . . . It’s just heartbreaking right now.) but I just want to escape. Not talk to anyone and just want quiet, even if just for a few hours. I completely get that is selfish when my children are struggling so please don’t . . . Just don’t.
I got asked several times how I was doing yesterday (at church).
I said I was fine.
But in reality the stress and emotions have me in tears to the point I knew if I sang in church I would have been a blubbering idiot. As I stood while others sang I kept hearing the Lord whisper, “Praise me in all things, Stacey.” So since I couldn’t sing, I did what I knew I could do in silence within my own heart.
Psalm 63:4 says, “I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.”
I know God can use this season for His good because the scriptures say that ALL things work together for good to those that love the Lord.
I know we will come through it better, stronger, and even united because the scriptures tell us that God has a purpose and plan for our lives and that plan is good and prosperous.
This is one of the songs that the choir sang in church yesterday. If you are struggling this morning and need the reminder . . .
Our Lord is the overcomer.
He will carry you when you can’t find the strength to place one foot in front of another.
He will hold you when you need to cry.
And He will never leave you.