A few months ago I was told that one person couldn’t change the world. That was a harsh slap of reality for a woman who believed she could make a difference and in turn make the world a better place. Shortly after that comment was made, ISIS began attacking more and more, sales from my hobby were zero, we had one financial burden after another come at us and life seemed bleak. I was discouraged and broken hearted. I felt useless and said to myself, “I will never have hope of changing the world again.” I began forcing myself to stop seeing the good in people and circumstances. I stopped standing up for people. I even tried to stop myself from caring. There was a true internal battle within me.
But God . . .
As I type these words and remember the hurt and despair and feelings of hopeless, I sit here with a quivering lip and tears running down my face knowing that even in my selfishness and hurt, God has a plan for my life.
“Oh that He would choose to use a wretch like me for the good of the world . . . ” It’s simply too much to take in at times.
During these past few months that I tried not to care (if you know me you know how funny and ridiculous that REALLY is) I have had more people private message me or email prayer needs. I gave them my word to pray, and I did. And while I am not arrogant to think my prayers are the reason their request/needs/comfort was given, I am honored to the point of “aweness” to think that I . . . a person that was willing and ready to give up and just take care of her own . . . can be used to intercede on a life . . . that I could have an impact on the one who is looking for a new job, or the one who is praying for her brother’s salvation, or the one’s who can’t have children but are praying for a child from China (AND the child came to America just days ago and will be here for his first 4th of July with his new family . . . goosebumps!) , or the ones hurting through a failed adoption and I know while it is hard now God will use this for their good and I can’t wait to sit from afar and watch God move, or the one where a strong friendship was once falling apart is thriving again . . . oh I have goosebumps as I think over the amount of emails, phone calls, and messages I have received over the years asking me to pray. Many no reasons were given . . . simply, “Please pray.” And here’s the thing . . . the amazing thing is I don’t have to know because the man I pray to, Jesus, He already knows. I don’t have to pray out loud, I don’t have to pray on my knees, I don’t have to pray with my hands folded or my eyes closed. . . all I have to do is speak His name, and utter the simplest words, “Oh Lord, I pray for . . . . ” It can be in passing as I am walking down the street. It can be while sitting on the couch watching television and He brings someone to mind . . . . Praying isn’t supposed to be a ritual, or a “have to,” to check off the list, but an intimate time of communion with the Lord, a time to speak, to be silent, and to listen . . .
The scriptures tell us to pray without ceasing. In fact, I Thessalonians 5: 16 – 18 tell us to “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
I have a long way to go in rejoicing always, and I have a long way to go in giving thanks in ALL circumstances . . . but I know the more praying I do without ceasing . . . the better He will make me because I can not do it on my own. And the fact is, you can’t either.
I totally get that some will read this post and think how ridiculous it is, and I totally get some could read this as arrogance . . . but there are those who know me well enough to know my heart and they know me well enough to know that if God has given me hope through prayer by being able to pray for others, then I sit here with the greatest most undeserving wow . . . and with a thankful heart that I know, I can make a difference in one.
So while I totally get that I can not change the world and I can not have an impact on 7,432,663,275 people that currently inhabit the earth . . . I can have an impact on one.
Imagine if we all made an impact on one . . . or two . . . or three.
Maybe “WE” can change the world . . . .
Oh Father, I sit here with the greatest humility . . . as I have shared my heart this morning Luke 4:47 has continued to come to my mind, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven–as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” Only you and I know the sins in my life . . . only you and I know the hatred I had in my heart, only you know the number of past affairs, only you know the drugs, alcohol, the stealing, the lying, the cheating . . . and yet you still choose me. There are no words, but thank you. Thank you for saving me. I don’t know the purpose of my life, and I don’t know what your plans are, but I trust your plans. You know my hidden fears of failure, and you have shown me in recent days that is it me that is holding my family back, so I ask you to knock down those walls of fear and when my feet are like concrete sticking in the sand, I need you to pick my feet up and move them one step at a time. Father I pray for those that read this and don’t see it the way I know you intended. Soften their hearts. For the ones reading this believing their life can’t make a difference, show them otherwise. For the one who doesn’t know you, I pray you will use this to draw them unto you. Oh God, forgive me for doubting you and thinking you really couldn’t use me. Thank you for the new hope you placed in my heart. I can’t wait to see the names and answers to prayers you bring about. Use me to change the world, one person at a time so that that one person can reach another and another and another. I love you, my King, my Savior, my Provider, my Redeemer, my All-in-All. Amen.