I went to bed sad last night and fighting tears of fear . . . . worse than fear. Scared deep within of the unknown.
While my eyes were, and still are, set on the circumstances that surround me, I find myself thinking of my faith, and probably lack of.
The scripture tells us to keep our eyes on the unseen . . . but that is not suppose to mean our circumstances; but the faith of Christ.
2 Corinthians 4: 16 – 18, Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
This morning, while I am still fighting tears, one scripture came to mind.
Philippians 4:11 – 12, I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,whether living in plenty or in want.
There are so many that have it worse than we do.
Look at the birds of the air . . . .
My heart is sad tonight.
We must make some very hard decisions; decisions that we don’t want to make.
Our property taxes that were due in November still have not been paid.
God has met our daily needs; and we, I, have been so, so thankful to see His hand in our day to day living. While I try and remain hopeful, I just can’t get past it . . . . .
Why not this?
Do we sell our only car to pay the property taxes?
Do we sell the only place we can call home?
Do we live here as long as we can and just walk away to whoever pays the property taxes?
Do we give up?
Where would we go if we do sell?
The house is not livable for someone else to buy; it would have to be destroyed.
Oh my heart.
In my mind, I keeping thinking, “It’s been a great ride of the Lord’s provisions.”
For twenty-two months the Lord has proven Himself faithful to our family day after day, after day.
So why don’t I have clarity and peace over what is yet to come?
I am trying to remain hopeful in what really seems like a hopeless situation (can’t stand the word hopeless . . . it is so NOT like my God).
We need guidance.
Please pray that we would have ears to hear and a receptive heart.
This momma is tired of trying to hold things together.