More Stinkin’ Thinkin’!

Hospitality is NOT my gift.  Go out and serve; absolutely.  But let someone come into my home . . . . I can feel the lump swelling in my throat just thinking about it.

While my hearts desire is to be hospitable and welcome everyone into my “neatly organized home;” it’s just not ever gonna happen. 

What makes the anxiety of having someone come into my home worse is going into a home and EVERYTHING is PERFECT, yet they continue to apologize for the mess!  It tells me they would be very critical if they ever came into my home; therefore, I don’t and never have liked people coming over, especially unannounced.  Oh my gosh, heart failure!.

Why do we do that anyway?  Apologize for the life God has given us?  I wonder if God ever apologized for the leaves on the ground in the Garden of Eden?

I’ve always been taught and have taught my children, “If you can’t do it right, then don’t do it at all.”  I’ve come to the conclusion though, that “that is just stinkin’ thinkin’!”

No wonder my house is ALWAYS a mess and NOTHING is ever complete!  I never have time to follow through with that stack of junk mail, unopened bills, coupons, kids school work, speech and occupational therapy for Christopher (and Kaitlyn is starting therapy soon for her sensory as it has heightened into emotional melt downs) and laundry . . . oh my gosh!

Oh my gosh! 

I can sit here and justify all the whys of “why nothing ever gets completed” in my home; but none of them measure up when so many others have done it; and have done it with more children than I have AND are working a full time job! 

I honestly don’t know how they do it.

I go into all this because I am beginning to walk through a new journey.  The journey of having people in my home. 

God put a burden on my heart to clothe the homeless through Nothing Lost Outreach.  He confirmed that burden and then provided.  He has provided in such an amazing way, that I need help. 

My husband emptied out a room and put three clothes lines from wall to wall so I could start separating the MANY, MANY donations.  We have a few shelves, but desperately need more.  Because of the Lord providing, we were able to clothe 33 people this past Sunday!

We also brought home ANOTHER car full of donations this past Sunday from another group in Evergreen, AL!  It is so amazing to see the Hand of God! 

I just can’t walk in the room . . . . . again!

My prayer last week was, “Lord, I can’t do all this.  I was barely maintaining before this, how am I going to do it all.  I need your help.” 

A few days later I was approached about a young lady that wants to help sort and organize.

A few days later, another approached, and another. 

Whoa.

Tuesday morning, a woman I have never met, is coming over for me to show her what I’ve started; to get her insight and schedule her to come once or twice a week for a few hours each time to help me.

So what does that mean to me . . . it means I ate not one but TWO Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Cones today; have snapped every one’s head off like a twig and got frustrated with my Kaitlyn for having a melt down at the most inconvenient time! 

And . . . .  because it was an inconvenient time, I almost blew it.

She was in my arms crying when I began to pray for her.  I started out angry and frustrated, thinking, “God, I have this woman coming over to my house tomorrow and EVERYTHING IS A WRECK!  I don’t have time for this!”

But, God.

As I prayed for “peace and calming” to come over Kaitlyn, peace and calming began to fall upon shoulder.  The tension and anxiety slowly slipped away.

This job of motherhood needed to take precedence over trying to impress someone “with how I just hold it together so good!” 

The house could wait.  The laundry could wait.  The pile of dust bunnies could wait.  My baby girl needed her mommy.

We sat for two hours. 

We are having more and more of these moments of her crying and not knowing why.  She doesn’t know why; “I just want you, something’s not right.” she says.

I became thankful Christopher had a good night tonight, and then thankful again, that for the most part, when Kaitlyn has had bad nights, his have been OK. 

Regardless, everyone is sleeping now.  I have attempted to “pick up” and put things in “stacks” :), swept all the dust bunnies and cat hair up and mopped the floors that haven’t been mopped in weeks (no, that is not an exaggeration).  If I am going to get over this phobia of “letting people in,” I’ve got to keep it real.  Right?!

So, if you are reading this between late Monday night and Tuesday at 10:00; please be praying for me. 

Panic sincerely fills my soul when I think of having someone in my home; BUT, God has called me to a mission; and it is a mission that requires me asking for help.

He provided the help, and I have to take that first step in faith that it is gonna be OK. 

Now, I think I’m gonna be sick. 

Leave a Reply