On May 23rd, more than just a weight loss/health change began occurring in my life; a heart change began; in fact, I consider it a radical heart change.  Some of what I am about to share some will consider “freaky” or “taking religion to far”  and that’s OK, cause if that’s how you feel, then you need to know my prayer is that you will know Jesus in a radical, life changing way.

Several months ago, even before May 23rd, something kept coming to mind that what is going on with Christopher (the violence and physical rage) was a demonic attack.  The closer my walk with the Lord got, the worse the attacks came, the more I suspected it. 

One particular morning Christopher became so violent I locked up the knives, grabbed the oil and started anointing the house with oil.  It wasn’t me doing it, it was as if the Holy Spirit was moving and guiding me physically and bringing to mind scriptures from “far back” in the memory bank.  My actions were confirmed by a phone call from a woman whom I love and adore.  I have called and shared things with her over the years, but try not to bother her “too much” as I know her life is busy.  She began by telling me she felt she had no right to even ask . . . she was apologizing before she even started, so I said, “it’s OK, just say it.”  She then said, “I sense God has been telling me for over a year what is going on with the violence in Christopher is demonic.”  She breathed a sense of relief when I confirmed what the Lord has shown and done that very morning.  While speaking to her and her encouraging me to “rally the troops,”, the Lord clearly told me to anoint my home with oil for seven days.  I followed in obedience marking every door frame, every window I could reach, the walls over my children’s bed and while they were sleeping anointed their body’s with oil.  Miracles began happening.  Did the autism go away, no.  Do the melt downs still occur, sure they do; but the violence has dwindled tremendously. 

I gave you that back ground so you would see the closeness I have been experiencing with my Father in Heaven.  He began showing me ways He had changed my heart in areas I thought would NEVER change and in areas I didn’t want to change!  I have always wanted money.  My plan for my life was to be rich and powerful.  Even after giving my life to the Lord on October 19, 1998, that desire NEVER went away.  I wanted money, BIG houses, expensive cars and that was my goal in life.  I thought I could keep that secret desire always and that was my prayer for years.  As our poverty level has lessoned more and more, that desire began to set the root of bitterness and jealousy in.  I began getting angry and resentful to God and my husband and anyone else that had what I wanted.  Over and over I begged God to give me a way out.  But He never did. 

On July 29th I experienced freedom from that bitter rage of greed; then I voiced it to my friend and mentor that has been helping me with my physical and spiritual health.  The words I wrote in my journal on that day and spoke verbally through heart ache and tears were, “Lord, I pray you will always keep my anchor line taught – and if that means being poor the rest of my life, so be it.  Never let me forget.” 

I should have known satan would rear his ugly head after making such a bold statement.  In the days since that, our food stamps have been suspended, our cash assistance application was lost, and Medicaid for me and Chris have been cancelled; that means no surgery for my shoulder.  When the hospital called me to tell me I had no insurance, I freaked.  I had insurance coverage one day, and the next day it was gone with no explanation.  I was already emotional that we had to dip into our mortgage payment monies to pay this months bills and after next month, there is no more.   I went into complete panic mode to the point I couldn’t breathe.  My mentor and friend helped talk me through, reminding me what I already knew and know.  She encouraged me to begin praying for the person I speak to on Monday regarding our case.  I have documented names and information given in case I have to file a fair hearing.  Regardless of the outcome, this morning, I am OK.  I told the Lord I would sell everything, and go wherever He wants us to go.  How can I pray that and not mean it, and then doubt His plan for me?  The two just don’t go together.
When I went to bed last night my mind was focusing on praying in order to keep the fear from creeping back in. 

THEN, this morning, God gave me the most encouraging word in my Jesus Calling book.  It reads:

WHEN THINGS SEEM to be going all wrong, stop and affirm your trust in Me.  Calmly bring these matters to Me, and leave them in My capable hands.  Then, simply do the next thing.  Stay in touch with Me through thankful, trusting prayers, resting in My sovereign control.  Rejoice in Me –exult in the God of your salvation!  As you trust in Me, I make your feet like the feet of a deer.  I enable you to walk and make progress upon your high places of trouble, suffering or responsibility.

Scripture References:

Job 13:15,   “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face.”

Psalm 18:33, “He makes my feet like a deer, he enables me to stand on the heights.”

Habakkuk 3:17 – 19, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in my God and my Savior!  The sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like a deer, he enables me to go on to new heights!

OH MY GOSH!  Did you read that!  Did you see how the Lord just confirmed to me how much He loves me and my family! 

With all the references to deer feet, I got to wondering how they walk, and what it is about them that I need to be like!  Here is what I found out:

~Deer have their eyes on the sides of their head, giving them a 310 degree view. This wide view does make it hard for deer to focus on a single point. Deer have a good night vision, which is useful in the early morning and near dusk.

~Deer have an excellent sense of smell, which allows them to detect predators from a long distance away. Deer lick their nose to keep it moist, which helps odor particles stick to it, improving their sense of smell. The nose also plays a role in communication.

~When a deer is confronted with danger it has two choices, to run or to hold tight. Deer can run for short distances in excess of 40 miles per hour or 20 miles per hour for 3 miles or so. They can also clear an 8 foot fence and broad jump a 25 foot wide stream. BUT, a deer can also hold tight and let danger pass right by them. Most hunters do not realize how often they walk right by a deer during the course of a season and never see it. When the hunting pressure is on a buck, he will let the hunter pass within a few feet.

~A female deer can place her hind (back) feet exactly where her front feet stepped, not one inch off! She is able to run with abandonment! In times of danger and protecting her young, she is able to run securely, and not get “off track”.

I found much more information, but these facts stood out to me significantly.

~I need to be on guard 24/7 being ready to defend my faith.  While I don’t have eyes that give me a 310 degree view, I do know the best way to face battle is on my knees. 

~I must remember to listen to that “gut instinct” (that’s in reference to the deer ability to smell).  That gut instinct is usually the Holy Spirit . . . gotta listen.

~When tempted with ways that are not God’s ways, I need to flee . . . RUN as fast as I can and away from that situation.  BUT, when satan is bearing down on me and my family, the best thing I can do is “hold tight!”  Stay on my knees, claim the scriptures, and “danger” (satan) will flee.  Doesn’t mean he won’t be back, but it does prepare us for future battles.

~I need to watch my steps.  I need to walk gently, and securely in the Holy Spirit, letting Him guide my every step.  Hinds site (back feet to front feet position) is 20/20 . . . may my fore site be as wise as my hind site!

Sorry this was such a long read.  I was just so excited about what the Lord showed me this morning.  While my circumstances have not changed, my heart has, AND THAT my friend, makes life OK.

Continuing to Walk in Victory,