I didn’t realize just how much one has to do with the other.
On Tuesday, May 24th I made the call, the call I had been dreading, but knew I needed, the call to accountability. I was surprised when I made the call how quickly she called me back. We met, walked and talked. She prayed seeking if this was the direction she was to walk in; the Lord said yes, and so the journey began.
Since the beginning of my sobriety nearly 13 years ago, I have struggled with my weight. In the last 2 1/2 years it has been on a steady incline upward. Those 2 1/2 years I have harbored anger, bitterness, unforgiveness deep within my heart. My solution for the pain, food. It was easy since the good Lord made me a good cook and gave me a passion for cooking, so there you have it.
I have to be honest, when she first mentioned it, I thought, “Oh please no. I don’t want to be a part of the norm of what EVERY BODY is doing!” (That’s the still rebellious nature in me.) She then mentioned the AWFUL word . . . . . JOURNALING! How could she?! I mean, really? I hadn’t journaled in years. (Then I was thinking, “I thought you were supposed to be helping me spiritually, not physically!?!”) lol! Don’t get me wrong, when I did journal, I loved the connection, the nuggets I wrote about . . . but to journal now would expose too many truths I didn’t want to deal with . . . ugly truths that were deep in my heart. She also said when I came across a scripture in the book, or any book I am reading, to open my Bible and write out that scripture in my journal. She also stressed over and over to seize one victory a day and to start moving my body. So, on the evening of the 24th of May, I started reading. I had to read and re-read the introduction of the book. It was sooo good, and one thing my mentor said was to “savor every thing you can, don’t just read though, but really take it all in.” I’ve just finished the 3rd chapter, but keep going back to refresh and remind me what I’ve been reading.
At this point, I am not comfortable sharing my weight; but I know I will one day. To show how serious I am about this, I even had pictures taken so I could see my weight loss physically, not just by numbers. I will eventually post those as well.
When I went in for my first weigh in, I had lost a whopping 7 lbs! I could not believe it! When asked what I was doing, I said, “I’m getting my heart right!”
One thing I have done is joined My Fitness Pal. I have never had to count calories before, and other than learning the point system from Weight Watchers, really had no idea what I was doing. While I have known MANY to succeed at Weight Watchers, for me, life is more than points. I am thankful that Weight Watchers taught me portion control though! I needed educating.
This week has been really tough for me. For some reason I have been hungry all the time! I’ve gone over my sodium intake five or six times and just physically “feel” tired. I am having to tell my feet to move, my fingers to type and just hurt. I am not sure if it is my body trying to adjust to the changes in my food intake, my fibromyalgia flaring up or my body aching from “moving!” It could even be a combination of all three I guess, I just know I don’t like the way I feel this week. On the other hand, Spiritually I have a peace in knowing I am doing what I need to do to get well and the Lord continues on a daily basis to confirm that in me. On my first weigh in alone He showed me I no longer have to be in bondage of food. He showed me I have free will, choices regarding what I eat. It’s not that He is saying no to certain foods, but yes to being free. Before I put anything in my mouth, I am asking myself, “Is this something I will regret in five minutes . . . 30 minute . . . or hours later.” I don’t want regrets.
I’ll share this one more thing, then go for now; one of my scripture readings yesterday was from Luke 12:22-31. But what caught my attention was verse 23, “For life is more than food . . . . . . ” Now I know we aren’t supposed to take scripture out of context, but when I read that, it was as if the Lord was speaking directly to me. (He loves me like that 😉
I have added a ticker on the bottom of my blog page, just above my music player, tracking my weight. I have a total of 115lbs to lose. I weigh in on Friday mornings, so will update that by Friday evening. I would appreciate your prayers as I continue on this journey.
My goal since the first weigh in is to lose 1 1/2 pounds a week. I am nervous about this weeks as while I have been moving daily, I have not done my cardio on my stationary bike. My eating has been good (under calorie count) but I’m afraid not enough to see a loss.
Chow for now, and thanks for visiting me!