In fear of sounding like a broken record player, or one who is tossed like a ship at sea, I rarely speak about my weight.  I’ve tried numerous times in the last 10 years to lose weight, start off well, but then quit, only to gain back more and more.

I turn 40 this year.  My fear is when I reach the age of 40, my scales will reach 300 pounds.  I know, writing that number knowing others will be reading this makes me shameful. 

While I do not weigh 300 pounds right now, I know if I do not do something NOW, then I will be by the time I turn 40.

Here are the facts I have learned over the years:

1 ~ Weight Watchers is great for teaching portion control, but it stinks at teaching healthy living (at least for me!)

2 ~ Fad diets with no starches don’t last.  Eat one potato and you gain 30 pounds back over night.  Our bodies needs carbohydrates to turn into energy.  That’s where portion comes in, right?!

3 ~ Our bodies need water, lots of water.   I don’t drink nearly enough and I drink lots of cokes.

4 ~ Our bodies need lots of fiber.

5 ~ I am allergic to a chemical that is found in almost all processed (boxed and some canned) foods.  Yet I choose to continue to eat them.  My neck and tongue stay swollen from allergic reactions to the foods I choose to eat.

6 ~ I am allergic to Ketchup, Mayonnaise, and Mustard . . well, I am allergic to vinegar . . . . . yet I continue to indulge in the goodness of all three.

7 ~ I do not eat nearly enough vegetables.

8 ~ I do not get enough physical exercises.

9 ~ My thyroid is under active.  I have been off medication since my husband lost his job.  I have been taking a natural supplement though, so hopeful that is working.

10 ~ I sincerely, whole heatedly, hate, despise, the way I look.  Yet I choose to do nothing. 

. . . I could go on and on, but those are the first things that pop in to my mind every single day of my life; sometimes many times a day.  In my mind, I’m that good looking, active young girl I was in high school; then when I try walking up a flight of stairs, or do any physical activity at all, or look in the mirror (now that’s a downer!), then reality sets back in. 

So what do I do.  I don’t know.  I know what to do, but I want that magical fix; you know, the one where you take a pill and don’t have to work for it?  That one.  The one I don’t have to give up all the things I love and enjoy.  **Sigh.**

The last few weeks I have been waking up gasping or air.  Even wearing my breathing machine.  In one of my panics from not being able to breathe, I realized it was because I am so fat now that I am suffocating myself.  I have to prop up pillows to sleep.

I told Chris just last night that once we get through the bathroom repairs, he has to help me to be accountable.  But, when it comes to food, neither one of us are good at telling the other no!

So, even on bad days, I hope to be real enough to say I did horrible.  I don’t know what changes I will be making, but my goal for now is to stop eating what I know makes my body sick, and drink more water.  So there, that’s my start.

I sure would appreciate your prayers in this area of my life.  My spiritual life, as well as my health style life is suffering immensely.  I need revival in both areas of my life.