Life, and then there’s death……

I haven’t blogged in weeks.  I’ve wanted to, but haven’t taken the time to sit and just write.  I am a very busy person, as is many of us.

My Mammow has been sick for several months.  Her time on earth is drawing to an end.  She has been weaned off the respirator and is on CPAP machine.  She had a very bad night and has now been partially sedated.  Visitation hours for ICU are no longer set on time restraints.  The end is near.

My grandmother has been the back-bone of our family.  She is a strong woman.  She is a woman that loves her family and keeps in contact.  She has kept our family together.  She never turned her back on me.  Did she always agree with how I behaved, absolutely not.  Was she perfect, nope, no one expected her to be.  What she did is love unconditionally. 

My grandmother has spent the last 12 years of her life caring for my grandfather.  He is now in a VA Nursing home.  She started caring for him as he battled with the horrible disease of Alzheimer’s. 

Truly, she has been the back-bone of our family.

My grandmother taught how to cook.  I guess it’s just in my blood cause I love the smell of food cooking and family gatherings.

My heart hurts to not be there as she is taking her last breath on this earth.  Oh the pain of wanting, needing to be there.  My comfort is knowing the appointments I have had the last two days were made months ago.  To reschedule would mean months of waiting to get back in.  I have to know it’s not meant for me to be there.  Like that, nope.  Dealing with it, yes.

At this time, we do not know how long it will be before she stops breathing, I have a knot in the pit of my stomach that is making me physically ill. 

I love my Mammow.  I am so blessed and thankful to be able to have known this pillar of our family.  My only comfort is knowing that I will see her and embrace her when I enter the gates of Heaven, when my time on earth is done.

She told me I couldn’t post any pictures of her.  She’s a DIVA of a lady.  This was the first time in my 38 years of living that I have ever seen her with her nails not painted.  That was a tough one. 

I will scan her other pictures in and add to this as the days go by.

I love you Mammow.  Oh how I love you.  Thank you for never giving up on me.  Thank you for teaching me how to be strong.  Thank you for teaching me how to show my love to others by cooking for them feeding them.  Thank you for who you are to my kids, your grandkids.  Thank you for painting my finger and toe nails red.  I love the color red.  I will be wearing red to your funeral.  I miss you already.  I keep up with Pappow and love on him as much as I can.  My heart is really sad right now.  The doctor will be your room within the next 30 minutes.  I love you Mammow.  I love you.

One thought on “Life, and then there’s death……

  1. Sweet thoughts are coming your way sweetie. I am tearful right now because you just wrote about my Mammow and the person she was to our family and friends. They must have come from the same mold. It is never easy to say good bye but knowing how much richer your life is because of her brings a peace. Prayers for you as you go thru this difficult time. Becca

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