Well, I tried to stop, I really did; but I just can’t. I love writing my thoughts, and I love sharing things I learn, so…. here I am, hopefully picking up where I left off, with the exception of being a little more cautious of my words. It was never my desire to hurt anyone in my blogging.
I can’t remember if I mentioned why I was going to try my break, so here goes.
A few years ago I noticed something was not quite right. I am a cook. I used to take a recipe and multiply it out to serve 400 people at the drop of a dime; know the serving size, how much I would need for ingredients…. it was great. I even stunk at math and could do it. Until one day, I went to work and couldn’t do it. What’s so bad is I couldn’t even think the process through and use a calculator! I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I knew something was not right. I knew this equation like the back of my hand. I called the doctor, he said, “it’s depression” and put me on medication. Now, true, there were several other factors that caused him to give me that diagnosis; but that diagnosis never really settled in good. A few months later I go back with the same problem… a fog and I just can’t think things through or even juggle multiple things at one time. Any mom will tell you they have to be able to handle/deal with multiple “issues” at once… part of the job description, right?! He said it’s the depression still and increased the dose. Here it is two years later, someone asked me when my sons birthday was; imagine the fear I had when I couldn’t tell them. Sure, everyone has little glitches here and there; but I literally could not remember the date of his birthday at all. I had to ask Kayla. I then called the doctor and told them that something is definitely wrong. This was about three months ago. There have been numerous, and my do I mean numerous doctor appointments in that time. Is seems an EEG I had a couple years ago showed seizure activity, but without having the physical seizures. It was not treated as I was told, “there is no need to treat it.” A side effect of a seizure is “moments of fogginess.” Yeah, my thoughts exactly. I’ve seen a new neurologist that gave me a memory test. I scored on the low side of normal which was very surprising to him. Just to make sure there wasn’t something else underlying, he has ordered a TON of other testing. I’ve been poked and stuck and things put in my hair and …. whew…. lots. While I don’t have the results back of a 2nd EEG done, there have been other testings (4 hours worth!) that do show a memory problem. All doctors involved were surprised. There are several issues that could be at hand still. One test that was recently done is a sleep study; seems I have sleep apnea. That can cause memory problems. Some of the meds I am on for my Fibromyalgia can cause “fogginess” as well. Plus, my plate is VERY full. My stress load can cause memory loss/confusion. Not to mention if I am indeed having brain seizure activity, that can cause problems. So, there is much going on. I was advised to skim off as much as I can from my load. One thing I did take off immediately was my roll in leadership with AVON. While I LOVE selling AVON and was actually advised to NOT stop selling AVON because it is the one thing I do in my life that is for me, for fun. BUT, the leadership part of AVON is not a requirement and really does cause extra stress; so for now, I’m letting that part go. The blogging, I guess I needed to change my mind set that it really isn’t a necessity or a “have to” but something I do for me. It doesn’t matter if it’s understood or not, and that’s OK.
So, that’s my life in a nut shell right now. OH, I forgot! (hehe… see…. I really do have a memory problem! lol) Today, get this, I was diagnosed with adult ADHD! Can you believe it!?! I’ve always said if ADD was “heard of” when I was growing up that I would have been diagnosed with it! All this time I was only kidding! I’ve been put on Concerta for ADHD. How they think I’m hyper is beyond me; high strung maybe, but hyper… right. Anyway. The doc I saw today said that could be a huge part of my problem with the fog and memory thing.
That’s it for now. I have much more to update on, but will do so later. I also have some great pictures of the kids playing in their first snow experience. Chris’ mom, referred to as Memaw, has moved in and is doing well. We are in week two. I can share the value of prayer in this as I have prayed for peace, and our home is full of peace. Even with screaming kids… there is peace.
Clinging to Jeremiah 29:11 these days. Thankful that He is the one in charge, and not me!