Tonight, this mom’s heart is heavy. My son has a new tic. I thought it was his Tenex, but even after not giving it to him tonight, he started breathing heavy. I sat and watched my little man, deep breath in, deep breath out, clear throat, push glasses back. That’s the routine. His teacher commented on the breathing, I thought nothing of it, until Kayla mentioned it, then I saw, heard it.

My heart is broken. I have such a special little boy; I’m afraid for him though. I’m afraid I’ve put medication in his body that is making him this way. I’m afraid it is my fault that this is happening. I’m afraid for him, and what his life is going to be like.

While I was watching Christopher tonight, the thought crossed my mind about the love that I have for him. I thought, “If my heart hurts this much over my little boy, how much did God the Father’s heart hurt over seeing His son being beaten to death.” I can not fathom the pain He must have felt.

As we celebrate Christmas, may we remember the reason we celebrate. He came, in order to die, so that we may live with Him in eternity. Because of that, I have hope.