Self Control

I had to leave work early yesterday. I woke up with a horrible headache, which turned into a migraine. I knew when I woke up, before I even lifted my head up off the pillow that I had it. I had to go get my groceries for cooking at Pine Summit and had to get started until they could find someone to relieve me. Fortunately I had Kayla there to help me and her boyfriend, Justin came to help also! That was a huge help as I could barely stand more less bend over and pick up those heavy pots! I came home, drank some herbal tea, took two Aleve, iced down my neck and spine and stayed in bed for several hours, with my daughter’s sunglasses on! I’m sure I looked like a fruit cake…but hey, it worked. I’ve never gotten over a migraine so quick, but by dinner time I could get out of the bed and turn my head without dying in pain. Not only that, I got the longest, continuous sleep last night I’ve had in many weeks! I woke up at 4 a.m. pretty rested.

Our Pastor challenges us to read a Proverbs a day, simply because there is one for every day of the week. I can’t say I do that every day, but when I do, nine times out of ten, it’s directed right to me. Today was no different. I might have talked about this before, it does seem familiar. I know it’s a devotional in my book, so maybe that’s why it seems familiar, but it’s how the Lord spoke to my heart today, so here goes.

Several, several months ago, maybe even close to a year ago now, I was so overwhelmed with Christopher I grabbed him by his arms and yelled at him, “YOU HAVE TO GET CONTROL OF YOURSELF CHRISTOPHER!” Instantly, the Lord spoke to me, “How can you teach Christopher self control when you yourself don’t have self control.” He didn’t yell at me though like I had Christopher, He was loving and gentle. I put my son down and started praying for self control for myself, so that I could teach Christopher how to have self control. Now, I’d like to sit here and tell you I have conquered it, but then we’d be talking about lying instead of self control:)

Throughout today’s Proverb, the words wise, integrity, knowledge, and kind is mentioned over and over. But, that’s not what caught my attention. In verse 29 of Chapter 14, the Bible says, “A patient person shows great understanding, but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.” Next to that verse I had written, “breathe, focus, help us Lord.” For some reason I didn’t date that little “prayer,” but I know it was about my parenting skills towards Christopher.

I don’t know if you watch the SuperNanny show, but at our house, it is just about a weekly thing. Last night was no exception. Last night’s show had a child with ADHD in the family. This lady had a total of seven children (God Bless her)! What we were able to see is how the parents reaction fed into the child’s tantrum’s and rages. What we saw was a child getting blamed for things he didn’t necessarily do because “he has issues.” Oh how often that happens to Christopher. What the Lord is showing me, as a parent, is before I react, to breathe, focus, and pray for that clarity, not just for the day, but for every situation. When I start screaming and yelling, not only am I not walking in the Holy Spirit, but I am feeding into whatever is going on in the situation. When I remain calm, and sometimes just walk away from the situation, Christopher calms down, he’s then able to come to me for the love and comfort he needs from me, and I don’t have to apologize for losing my temper or asking forgiveness from the Lord! Hallelujah!

We are still working with medications with Christopher. We gave him another half dose yesterday morning, not a good thing, but then gave him the whole dose the doctor actually prescribed (for the middle of the day dose) and he did really good.

We are working very hard at not leaving the other two children out of the equation. We have been playing more games with Kayla than we have in years. It’s been fun to laugh with her again. I rely on her so much that at times, I don’t think it’s fair to her. I thank the Lord for her daily, and many times over. I couldn’t be as good of a mom as I am today if it weren’t for her. She is a very special young lady.

Kaitlyn is so used to her brother’s abuse that we see now she is becoming the instigator! Christopher isn’t so rough with her on this medication, seems he is talking to her more instead of hitting (which is a good thing:), but Kaitlyn does seem to be trying to instigate things more…of course, that could be because we have been focusing on Christopher and his meds so much more.

In the big scheme of things, we are doing the best we can. Learning as we go and doing the best we can. I’m so glad GRACE isn’t based on “the best we can!”

Be blessed this day.

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